I really hope that you like this mouse! I caught it with its pink paws trying to steal some cornflakes (that you bought out of your hard-earned paycheck, by the way) wedged under the cabinets. He tried to give me the slip by jumping into the pantry-but I, your loyal house cat, was able to nab his sneaky tail before he could get too far, and it was curtains for him.
First, we played a fun little game of you-know-what for a while. I left him alive (more or less). I figured you might like to play with him too- before we eat him that is. Anyhow, I hope my little giftee pleases you and shows you how much I totally appreciate your getting me the wet food sometimes (the seafood blend is much better than that liver stuff, but whatever), and cleaning out my box every day; I really like it clean always (every day would be ideal, but I know you get busy), and that kinda stuff. I even like the cardboard scratcher you got me that once time too, although truth be told, sinking my claws into the new couch feels better.
p.s. Oh wait, what? Where’s your kid’s pet what? Pet MOUSE? It’s white, you say… ? Next time you get your kid a pet, especially one that looks, smells, runs and tastes like a mouse, it’d be good to let me know ahead of time. (I am real sorry about that. I hope this doesn’t change anything between us.)